Christmas Jokes

What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa?
A rebel without a Claus.

Q: What do you call an elf who sings?
A: a wrapper!

Q: Why is Christmas just like your job?
A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

Q: Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
A: Because it soot's him

Q: Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past?
A: Because the present's beneath them.

Q: What do you call a broke santa? Give up yet?
A: It's Saint-NICKEL-LESS

Q: What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
A: Tinselitis!

Q: Why is Santa so jolly?
A: Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

Q: Why doesn't Santa have any children ?
A: Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it's down the chimney.

Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ?
A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

Q: What does One Direction and my Christmas tree have in common?
A: They both have ornamental balls.

What does one ho plus two ho make?
Answer, a jolly Santa

Who dosen't eat on Christmas?
A turkey because it is always stuffed.

Why did Santa send his daughter to college?
to keep her off the North Pole

Q: What do you call Santa's helpers?
A: Subordinate clauses

Q: Which Limp Bizkit song did the Elf listen to while building toys?
A: He did it all for the cookies!

What do you call an obnoxious reindeer?
RUDEolph.

Q: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A: Because he had low elf esteem.

Q: Why the Christmas tree can’t stand up?
A: It doesn’t have legs.

Q: Whats the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
A: The Christmas alphabet has Noel.

Q: What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg bitten off?
A: Limp Bizkit

Q: Name the child's favorite Christmas king?
A: A stocking.

Q: What do you call a brothel in the North Pole?
A: a workshop

Q: What is the popular Christmas carol in Desert?
A: Camel ye Faithful.

Q: What part of the body do you only see during Christmas?
A: mistletoe.

Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A: Claustrophobic.

Q: What does Santa bring naughty boys and girls on Christmas Eve?
A: A pack of batteries which at the bottom says "toy not included".

Q: What’s the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa?
A: Santa stopped at 3 ho’s.

Q: What do the female reindeer do when Santa takes the male reindeer out on Christmas Eve ?
A: They go into town, and blow a few bucks.

Q: What's the difference between snowmen and snowladies ?
A: Snowballs.

Q: How does a Jew celebrate Christmas?
A: He installs a parking meter on the roof.

Q: Why did the snowman have a smile on his face ?
A: Because the snowblower was coming down the block.

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite

Q: What Christmas Carol is a favorite of parents?
A: Silent Night

Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A: Frosted Flakes

Q: How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
A: Fleece Navidad

Q: What nationality is Santa Claus?
A: North Polish.

Q: What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?
A: Crisp Cringle.

Q: What's the difference between snowmen and snowladies?
A: Snowballs.

What do you call a can wearing a Christmas hat?
A Merry Can (American)

Q: Why are women's breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas time ?
A: Because they  were originally  made for children but the father wants to play with them.

Q: Why are Christmas trees better than Men?
A: Even the small ones give satisfaction

Q: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A: Because he had low elf esteem.

Why does Scrooge love all of the reindeer?
Because every buck is dear to him!

Q: What did the snowman eat?
A: icebergs with chilli sauce.

How many reindeer does it take to change a light bulb?
Eight! One to screw in the light bulb and seven to hold Rudolph down!

What do you call a blind reindeer?.
I have no eye deer

What doesn't Mr. Krabs celebrate Christmas?
Cause he's "Shell-Fish"

What do you call a scary reindeer?
A cariboo.

What do you call an incomplete christmas sentence?
A santa clause

What do you call a wet animal?
"A reindeer"

What do you call an elf wearing ear muffs?
Anything you want. He can't hear you..

Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.

Q: What goes "oh oh oh"?
A: Santa walking backwards

Q: What do you call a smelly Santa?
A: "Farter Christmas"

Why is Santa's sack so full?
Because he only comes once a year

I think Christmas is near!
Because i see a ho! ho! ho!

What did the little elves have to do when they got home from school?
Gnome-work!

When is Santa's favorite time of year?
The flalalalalalalala days

Q: Who delivers Christmas presents to dogs?
A: Santa paws!

Q: Who delivers Christmas presents to cats?
A: Santa claws!

Why does santa have three gardens?
so he can ho ho ho

Why did Santa divorce Mrs. Claus?
because she was a ho ho ho.

What do you call an elf that sings?
ELFIS

Boy: Are you Christmas? Because I wanna merry you!
Girl: Is your last name Hall? Cause I wanna Deck The Halls.

How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer "Olive" ?
Olive ?
Yeah, you know, "Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names"

The 4 stages of life:
1. You believe in Santa Claus
2. You don’t believe in Santa Claus
3. You dress up as Santa Claus
4. You look like Santa Claus

Did u kiss santa?
No I just slept with him.
I made Santa say Ho Ho Ho.