Christmas One Line jokes

I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come
into my neighborhood after dark.

There is a special place in hell for people that play Christmas music
before Thanksgiving.

The awkward moment when Santa Claus has the same wrapping paper as your
parents.

Is anyone else waiting until December 22nd to Christmas shop? Just in
case the Mayans were right?

For Christmas I want Santa’s list of naughty girls.

All I want for Christmas is youuuuuuuu........to get hit by a reindeer

Last Christmas, I gave you my scarf but the very next day, you called it
 "dumb and gay"

My boyfriend is just like Santa Claus. He gives me presents and is
imaginary.

I got more hoes than Santa Claus.

It's beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.

This holiday season, in lieu of gifts, I've decided to give everyone my
opinion.

Yo mama so fat when she triend to talk to Santa Clause, Santa Clause
said "Why u doing the harlem shake?"

May Christmas be about what's in your Heart and not what's in your
pocket!

Last Christmas I gave you my heart, but the very next day, your body
rejected the transplant and you died.

To all the people that piss me off, I hope you get Crocs for Christmas.

A song told me to Deck the Halls...so I did. Mr.and Mrs. Hall are not
very happy.

A boy writes to Santa asking for a brother and receives a reply back
from Santa: send me your mother!

So when someone ask you " Where is your Christmas Spirit?" is it so
wrong to point out your liquor cabinet?

When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes
 for Christmas!

My neighbor put up his Christmas lights today. I bet he's pissed that I
beat him to it. I put mine up three years ago.

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.

What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a new
job the next day.

Dear Santa, I can explain.....

Christmas has been cancelled! Santa died laughing when I told him you’d
been good this year!

your mum is so fat that I took a picture of her last christmas and its
still printing!

Remember, Christmas isn't about how big the tree is, or what's under it.
 It's about who's around it

Christmas light displays are the freestyle rap battles of the suburbs.

I try to be unusually kind and compassionate to those around me during
the Holidays, because I never know who will end up being my Secret
Santa.