Chicken rest

Which day of the week do chickens hate most? Fry-day!

Trunks

Why can’t elephants go on the beach?
Because they can’t keep there trunks up

funny chicken road

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why?
To get to your house!
…..
Knock Knock
Who’s there…
The chicken.

parrot

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.

Bear teeth

What do you call a bear with no teeth, a gummy bear!

Dogs

I had a knock at my door earlier, it was a policeman…
“Mr Cook?”
“Yes,” I replied.
“I’m afraid your dog has just been reported to have chased someone on a bike.”
I said, “That’s bullshit – my dog doesn’t have a bike!”

Wife + Computer = Trouble

The following text messages were exchanged on a cold winters day in December.
Wife: “Windows frozen.”
Husband: “Pour some warm water over them.”
Wife: “Computer completely screwed up now.”

Alpha Male

Alpha Male Chat-Up Line:
Get your coat love …..
…I’ve got a knife

Getting Head

If I flip a coin what are the chances of me getting head?

Nature of Knowledge

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Knee Sitting Line

Come and sit on my knee and we’ll talk about the first thing that pops up.

New in town chat up line short jokes

I’m new in town, could I have the directions to your house please?

Next Girlfriend

Do I know you? Cause you look a lot like my next girlfriend.

Best chat up line

Q. How much does a polar bear weigh?
A. I don’t know
R. Neither do I but it broke the ice

You Can Call Me

People call me Dave, but you can call me Tonight!

Seduce Fat Woman

How do you seduce a fat woman? Piece of cake.

Never Quiet

Why don’t women fart? Because they don’t shut up long enough to build up the pressure.

Traffic

Yo mama is so fat that she causes traffic jams when she goes out walking.

Milk

What Bee’s produce milk? Boo’bees.

What is ABCDEFG?

What is ABCDEFG?
A Boy Can Do Everything For a Girl!
But what is GFEDCBA? (The Opposite)

Girl Forgets Everything Done and Catches new Boy Again!

Times have changed

Trying to explain to a five-year-old daughter how much computers had changed, a father pointed to the brand-new personal computer and told her that when he was in college, a computer with the same amount of power would have been the size of a house.
Wide-eyed, the daughter asked, “How big was the mouse?”

Side effects

A man is cutting sides of a capsule before talking it. His neighbour saw this and asked him, “Why are you cutting the sides of the capsule?
He replied, “To avoid side effects.”

You Daddy!!

One day a father called his 6 children together and asked, “Now tell me, who has been most obedient during last week and did everything mommy asked?”
In one voice they all replied, “You, Daddy!”