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Did i miss something?
of course I missed u.

Top Quotes From the 2008 Olympics

Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators during the Summer Olympics: 1. Weightlifting commentator: 'This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.' 2. Dressage commentator: 'This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.' 3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: 'I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.' 4. Boxing Analyst: 'Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.' 5. Softball announcer: 'If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.' 6. Basketball analyst: 'He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.' 7. At the rowing medal ceremony: 'Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew.' 8. Soccer commentator: 'Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field.' 9. Tennis commentator: 'One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?"

Top Quotes From the 2008 Olympics

Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators during the Summer Olympics:

1. Weightlifting commentator: 'This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.'

2. Dressage commentator: 'This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.'

3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: 'I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.'

4. Boxing Analyst: 'Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.'

5. Softball announcer: 'If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.'

6. Basketball analyst: 'He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.'

7. At the rowing medal ceremony: 'Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew.'

8. Soccer commentator: 'Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field.'

9. Tennis commentator: 'One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?"

Top 10 Hilarious Quotes

1- Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

2- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

3- There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.

4- An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

5- Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

6- When you are right, no one remembers. When you’re wrong, no one forgets.

7- Cheer up, the worst is yet to come. [Hilarious Quotes] from my small nephew..

8- If you can not see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

9 - A recent police study found that you are much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.

10 - Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little
bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

Funny quotes

"Britain is not an island ... yes, yes it is, but ..."
- Unidentified MP, on BBC Radio 4

"The president continues to surprise people, so I'm not surprised
surprised. "
- U. S. Defense Secy Cheney censored ~ ~

"President Bush is due to address nation at about 20
minute. "
- Peter Jennings, ABC News

"Mobile launchers are more difficult to detect because they move
round, unlike fixed launchers. "
- Katie Coucik, NBC News
- From Lowell McCulley (Nashua, NH, USA)

"Continuous coverage of the war in the Persian Gulf will be resumed in
a moment. "
- Tom Brokaw, NBC News
- From Jeff E. Nelson (Nashua, NH, USA)

"We have a good reason to believe he was stabbed. There was a sharp
object sticking out his chest. "
- Lt R. Travis, Newburgh, NY, Police Department,
cited in National Lampoon Calendar
- From Jim Reisert (Hudson, MA, USA)

"The City of Rochester (Michigan) is considering a ban on smoking
in the park because people leave their butts on the beach. "
- Announcer, WJR Radio, Detroit, MI
- From Jim Cotton (Novi, MI, USA)

"Men aged 18 and 25 must register for the proposal
their 18 birthday. "
- Create a U. S. Post Office
- From Bruce Stadler (Dallas, TX, USA)

"We have to expect it, otherwise we would be surprised."
- Unidentified general officer, re: the Gulf War.
- From Thierry Ciot (Valbonne, France)

"It is obligatory for tenderer to demonstrate that the stated
performance can be achieved by the proposed
system. "
- Request for a variety of unidentified
potential customer
- From Kass Antanaitis (Canberra, Australia)

"Although some functional managers had heard of RISC, almost
nobody had heard of RISC "
- Digital Marketing Study
- From Ken Berkun (Hong Kong)

Sir James Spicer ... has officially opened at a toilet urinating
Valley first school in the neighborhood of Dorchester. "
- VNS # 2244 General News, January 23, 1990
- ~ Censored ~ Van Binder (Nashua, NH, USA)

"Tensions in Latvia ... are tense ..."
- WBZ Radio, Boston, January 21, 1991, News
- From Gunars Zagare (Andover, MA, USA)

"If you could live here always, would you and why? Answer: "I would
not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were
supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we can not live
forever, that's why I would not live forever, "
- Miss Alabama in 1994
- Miss USA competition.

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of
your life. "
- Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

"I've never had major knee surgery on another part of my body,"
- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"The Lowdown villain deserves to be kicked to death by a donkey,
and I'm just the one to do it. "
- A Congressional candidate in Texas.

"I do not feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them.
There were large numbers of people who needed new land, and Indians
were selfishly trying to keep for themselves. "
- John Wayne

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
- Philadelphia Phillies manager Danny Ozark

"It is not pollution that is harmful to the environment. Impurities
in our air and water that it does. "
- Unknown. This is due to:
Al Gore, Vice President
Dan Quayle, Vice President
George W. Bush, Governor of Texas

"I love California. I almost grew up in Phoenix."
- Dan Quayle

"It is no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or
another "
- George Bush, U.S. president

"We have to stop and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need"
- Lee Iacocca

"I was with additional input that was radically different
truth. I helped promote this version. "
- Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.

"The word" genius "is not applicable in football. A genius is a man who
Norman Einstein. "
- Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback and sports analyst.

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
- Al Gore, Vice President

Twenty hilarious funny quotes

1. Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving. (My personal favorite funny quotes)

2. Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

3. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

4. I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.

5. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

6. Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

7. You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.

8. Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

9. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

10. Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she will take it anyway.

11. My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.

12. Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

13. Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

14. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

15. You are getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.

16. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

17. Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

18. It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

19. There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.

20. It is no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or
another.

Police quotes

“The handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch out after you wear them awhile.”

“If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”

“So, you don’t know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?”

“Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?”

“Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I’m warning you not to do that again or i’ll give you another ticket.”

“The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?”

“Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”

“Life’s tough, it’s tougher if you’re stupid.”

“No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we want.”

“Just how big were those two beers?

“In God we trust, all others are suspects.”

Quotes About Marriage

“In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.”-Woody Allen.

“My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.”-Rodney Dangerfield.

“Ah, yes, divorce…from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’sgenitals through his wallet.”-Robin Williams.

“A married man should forget his mistakes; no use two peopleremembering the same thing.”-Duane Dewel.

“When you see a married couple walking down the street, the onethat’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.”-Helen Rowland

“Eighty percent of married men cheat in America…The rest cheat in Europe.”-Jackie Mason

“Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in thehope of pulling out an eel.”-Leonardo Di Vinci.

“I don’t think I’ll get married again. I’ll just find a woman I don’t likeand give her a house.”-Lewis Grizzard.

“I’m the only man in the world with a marriage license made out towhom it may concern.”-Mickey Rooney.

“I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.”-Rodney Dangerfield.

“The difference between divorce and legal separationis that legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.”-Johnny Carson

Terrible cold

Mitt Romney's been out on the campaign trail even though he's suffering from a terrible cold. I'm not surprised he's sick. It's very unsanitary to keep putting your foot in your mouth like that.

It didn't help matters that Romney kept blowing his nose into $100 bills.

Beer quotes

You can’t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline – it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
–Frank Zappa

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
–Ernest Hemmingway

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
–Winston Churchill

He was a wise man who invented beer.
–Plato

Time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time.
–Catherine Zandonella

A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
–W.C. Fields

Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.
–Lady Astor to Winston Churchill

Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
–His reply

If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.
–David Daye

Work is the curse of the drinking class.
–Oscar Wilde

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
–Henny Youngman

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
–Benjamin Franklin

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
–Deep Thought, Jack Handy

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
–Dave Barry

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
–Humphrey Bogart

Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.
–David Moulton

People who drink light “beer” don’t like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot.
–Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
–Kaiser Wilhelm

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
–Homer Simpson

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
–Dave Barry

I drink to make other people interesting.
–George Jean Nathan

They who drink beer will think beer.
–Washington Irving

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
–For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemingway

You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
–Dean Martin

All right, brain, I don’t like you and you don’t like me – so let’s just do this and I’ll get back to killing you with beer.
–Homer Simpson

New Jersey tanning mom

The New Jersey tanning mom now says she wants to pose nude for Playboy magazine. Well, Playboy says they're looking for women who are hot, not burnt orange.
- Jay Leno

What Really Happened

“I expect to win it. Sit back, put your feet up in front of the TV, relax and enjoy it. Let me do the worrying – that’s what I get paid for.”
– England manager Graham Taylor before the 1992 European championships. England didn’t win a game.

“I have always found strangers sexy.”
– Hugh Grant, six months before he was arrested with stranger Divine Brown.

“I would not wish to be Prime Minister, dear.”
– Margaret Thatcher in 1973.

“That rainbow song’s no good. Take it out.”
– MGM memo after first showing of The Wizard Of Oz.

“You’d better learn secretarial skills or else get married.”
– Modelling agency, rejecting Marilyn Monroe in 1944.

“Radio has no future.” “X-rays are clearly a hoax”. “The aeroplane is scientifically impossible.”
– Royal Society president Lord Kelvin, 1897-9.

“You ought to go back to driving a truck.”
– Concert manager, firing Elvis Presley in 1954.

“Forget it. No Civil War picture ever made a nickel.”
– MGM executive, advising against investing in Gone With The Wind.

“Can’t act. Can’t sing. Slightly bald. Can dance a little.”
– A film company’s verdict on Fred Astaire’s 1928 screen test.

“Very interesting, Whittle, my boy, but it will never work.”
– Professor of Aeronautical Engineering at Cambridge, shown Frank Whittle’s plan for the jet engine.

“There will be one million cases of AIDS in Britain by 1991.”
– World Health Organisation in a 1989 report. It over-estimated by 992,301 cases.

“The Beatles? They’re on the wane.”
– The Duke of Edinburgh in Canada, 1965. They went on to produce a string of No 1s.

“The atom bomb will never go off – and I speak as an expert in explosives.”
– U.S. Admiral William Leahy in 1945.

“All saved from Titanic after collision.”
– New York Evening Sun, April 15 1912.

“Brain work will cause women to go bald.”
– Berlin professor, 1914.

“Television won’t matter in your lifetime or mine.”
– Radio Times editor Rex Lambert, 1936.

“Everything that can be invented has been invented.”
– Director of the US Patent Office, 1899.

“And for the tourist who really wants to get away from it all, safaris in Vietnam.”
– Newsweek magazine, predicting popular holidays for the late 1960s.

Tired of running

When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my old man, "I'm sick and tired of running around in circles." He got mad. He nailed down my other foot.
-Rodney Dangerfield