Little Johny

Little Johnny once bought his Grandma a very nice, luxurious toilet brush for her birthday. But when he went to visit her a couple of weeks later, it wasn't in the bathroom.

Little Johnny asked his Grandma, “Gran, what happened to the toilet brush I gave you?”

“Darling, I'm sorry but I just didn’t like it. It was too scratchy. After all those years, I’ve gotten used to the toilet paper.”

Little Johnny stands up

Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!"
*Nobody stands up*
Teacher: "Im sure there are some stupid students over here!!"
*Little Johnny stands up*
Teacher: "Ohh, Johnny you think you're stupid?"
Little Johnny: "No... i just feel bad that you're standing alone..."

Funny Little Johnny Joke - Gambling

Little Johnny was starting his first day at a new school and his father called the teacher to tell her that little Johnny was a big gambler. She said that it was no problem and she has seen worse than that. After Little Johnny’s first day at his new school his father called the teacher to see how it went. She said, “I think I broke his gambling”. The father asked how and she said, “He bet me $5.00 that I had a mole on my butt, so I pulled down my pants and won his money.” “DAMN!” said the father. “What’s wrong?”, the teacher asked. Little Johnny’s father said, “This morning he bet me $100.00 he would see his teacher’s butt before the day was over!”

Johnny’s Dead Dog

Little Johnny was walking to school with his dog,who was going to be his show and tell project.When he was about 1/2 mile away from school,the dog ran into the street and was hit by a car.He died immediately.So Johnny went to school with a heavy heart that day.

During class,the teacher asked Johnny why he didn’t have his show and tell project.

“My dog got hit by a car on my way to school.I’m sure gonna miss his ass.” said Johnny.

“Johnny,we do not use the word ass in this room.We use the word rectum”. Exclaimed the teacher.

“Rectum!?,It fucking killed him!” Said Johnny

Go all to pieces

Little Johnny and his girl were parked one dark summer night in Lover's Lane, when all of a sudden she said, "Oh, don't do that, or I'll go all to pieces!"

Little Johnny replied, "Go right ahead...I've got my hand on the piece I want."

Light bulbs

After listening to other kids in the classroom telling all the cool talents their parents have, the teacher called on Little Johnny.

Quickly thinking of something just as good or better than the talents of the other kids' parents, Little Johnny thought of something. Little Johnny exclaimed, "My dad eats light bulbs!"

All through the classroom there were remarks of "Cool!"

The teacher, in shock, asked,
"What makes you think your father eats light bulbs?"

Little Johnny replies, "The other night when I was in bed, my dad said,'Honey, if you turn the light out I will eat it.'

Little Jonny in the Garden

Little Johnny was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence.

Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, “What are you up to there, Little Johnny?”

“My goldfish died,” replied Little Johnny tearfully, without looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.”

The neighbor was concerned, “That’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?”

As Little Johnny patted down the last heap of earth he then replied, “That’s because he’s inside your cat.”

School jokes

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."

Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."

"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

Classic Little Johnny

Johnny and his father were taking a walk, when Johnny noticed two dogs mating.

Johnny asks his father, “What are those dogs doing?”

“Well they are making puppies,” his dad says.

The next day they see the same dogs mating and already Johnny says, “Hey they are making puppies!”

That night Johnny walks in on his parents having sex. Curious, Johnny asks, “What are you two doing?”

“Well we are making you a baby sister,” said his dad.

“No no no” yells Johnny, “roll her over and make me some puppies!”

Little Johnny

A first-grade teacher asks her students to give her a sentence with the word fascinate in it.

A little girl stands up and says, ''Walt Disney World is so fascinating.''

The teacher says, ''No, that's not correct. I said, fascinate.''

Another little girl stands up and says, ''There's so much fascination when it comes to sea life.''

The teacher again says, ''No, the word is fascinate.''

So Little Johnny in the back of the room stands up and says, ''Well, my sister has such big boobs that she can only fasten eight of the ten buttons on her shirt.''

Not in the Pool!

Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool.

"You're not allowed to pee in the pool," said the lifeguard. "I'm going to report you."

"But everyone pees in the pool," said Little Johnny.

"Maybe," said the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!"